Hey kids, I have been thinking a lot lately (never good) and today I was going to write a piece telling which flicks coming out tomorrow I would actually throw down cash to see. I changed my mind.

I have been on a bit of a crusade as of late when it comes to independent film. There is a reason for that. Think for moment about the number of remakes and reboots the studios have in the works. Think for a moment about the Marvel acquisition that Disney pulled off. Think about Disney closing Miramax. Think about studios reducing the size of or even closing their independent film divisions.

If you are an aspiring filmmaker that last paragraph should piss you off and get you really excited at the same time. Why you ask?

Hollywood is focused on remaking and rebooting everything in the world and doing nothing but big movies that they get the mindless masses to shell out cash for. Even if a semi original flick does get made it gets made their way. The independent film world is growing every day. Every day more men and women are getting fed up with the shit they are being fed and sitting down and writing their own scripts. They are finding ways to take those scripts and get them shot. They are sending them all over the world for people to watch in hopes of getting that distribution deal. They have maxed out their credit cards, begged everyone they know for some money and a few even find that money.

The point is this. We already know that most of what Hollywood is cranking out is shit, steaming piles of it by the dump truck load and it is just getting worse. If it is going to change it is going to take a bunch of pissed off talented people to make it happen. It’s not easy but you have support. You have people like me who truly love film that are waiting for you to get to work.

In other words, put your money where your mouth is and make something I would throw down my cash to see. Hell, film something and send it to me for a review. Write a script and send to me for my thoughts. Send me your rough first cut for some ideas on editing. If the flick makes cash then we can talk about some sort of payment, but I have been working for free for almost 3 years now, you think that is going to change before I get my first film off the ground?

Speaking of which, I really need to get back to a buddy of mines script. I have been going crazy for a few weeks now, but I am feeling much better. I don’t care what anyone says, delusional episodes are fun and taking two weeks to do nothing is a great way to charge the batteries back up. Well kids I need to get back to work. C-ya



A while back I got a request in for Ask The Movie Whore dealing with Comaction flicks and this morning I was on Flickchart ranking my Action Comedy flicks. The top 20 is below and remember this is not about what I think is better but a matter of preference, oh and realize there is a ton of shit not even on here so instead of bitching about it write it up and tell me some of your favorite Action Comedies.

Big Trouble in Little China : Every time this flick comes on I can’t stop myself from watching it. I don’t care if it is on regular cable or not.

“The Chinese have a lot of hells.”

Kung Fu Hustle : It is all about the song and dance number at the beginning and then it gets better.

The Cannonball Run : The first of a few Burt Reynolds flicks on this particular list. I just watched this again not too long ago and it holds up for me. Still one of my all time favorite movies.

“Cause you’re small. Small. S – M – all.”

Hudson Hawk : Kiss my ass! This is one of the funniest movies I own. It is asstastic and cheesy as hell but damn is it a lot of fun to watch. Bruce Willis and Danny Aiello are great in this flick.

“If the Mario brothers weren’t New Jersey’s third-largest crime family, I’d say, “Kiss my ass.” But considering your status, I will say, “Slurp my butt.”

Cannonball Run II : More of the first film but still funny. It is all about the outtakes.

Smokey and the Bandit : Who didn’t (or in several cases still) want that black Firebird. If you feel bad about wanting say you like this flick just think of my buddy who still sings the theme song from time to time.

In Bruges : Any time I can see Colin Ferrell karate chop a midget I’m rolling.

The Rundown : Dwayne and Sean made a great team and then you throw in Walken and you have nothing but fun. Besides it is nice to see that Ernie Reyes Jr could find work after that TV show he did with Gil Gerard (Buck Rogers) in the 80’s, well that and one of the TMNT flicks. Go ahead look it up, I dare you.

Bad Boys 2 : One of the only times I will say I liked the sequel better than the original. Between Martin Lawrence on “E” and Will and Martin making a young man damn near shit himself at the front door, I have a good time with this flick.

“You ever made love to a man?”

“No”

“You want to?”

Stroker Ace : More Burt and this time we throw in 80’s bombshell Loni Anderson and every ones favorite rumored to be gay marine, Jim Nabors. Throw in Ned Beatty and Bubba Smith and you have yourself one of the funniest racing NASCAR flicks ever.

Hooper : From driving around a track to driving off a cliff. Not as good as some of the others but still a fun to watch once in a while.

Hot Fuzz : I nearly have to pause the movie every time I see that old lady get a flying dropkick to the dome. Pegg and Frost seem to be a can’t miss team when it comes to comedy. This film was a great homage to their love of action as Shaun of The Dead was to their love of zombie films.

Tank Girl :OOOOOOOH! Lori Petty. A permanent fixture on my list of celebrities I have always wanted to sleep with. I know I am odd. This flick gets watched at least 3-4 times a year n my house. I owned it on VHS and now on DVD and you better believe I will have it on Blu-ray.

“You gotta think about it like the first time you got laid. You gotta go: Daddy, are you sure this is right?”

Rocknrolla : If there was ever a sequel that I want to see get made it is the follow up to this film.

“People ask the question… what’s a RocknRolla? And I tell ‘em – it’s not about drums, drugs, and hospital drips, oh no. There’s more there than that, my friend. We all like a bit of the good life – some the money, some the drugs, others the sex game, the glamour, or the fame. But a RocknRolla, oh, he’s different. Why? Because a real RocknRolla wants the fucking lot.”

Beverly Hills Cop II : More fun with Axel Foley. YIPPEE!

Bad Boys :A lot of fun, but there is no way a Porsche beats a Cobra 427.

Beverly Hills Cop : Eddie is Eddie and Eddie is funny. At least he was in the 80’s.

Pineapple Express : Anyone who has ever bought pot  looked at the TV and said “I know that guy” when Franco appeared on screen. He played the perfect pot dealer. This flick was a fun ride and had me laughing but it had a few moments I wish I could unsee.

Air America : Great flick. Back before Mel became the scourge he was a fun guy to watch in films and Downey has always been one of my favorites.

The Blues Brothers : It’s 106 miles to Chicago, we got a full tank of gas, half a pack of cigarettes, it’s dark, and we’re wearing sunglasses.

Enough Said.

Well kids I am off to the land of delusions and dreams, wait aren’t they kind of the same thing? Fuck it, I am going to go have some fun and I suggest you go watch some movies.

Do you know what happens when I have too much free time on my hands?

Crazy ideas, many crazy ideas.

Why do I have all this free time on my hands?

I am waiting. Waiting to hear on a director, waiting to hear on funding.  I have been consumed by the obsession of getting a film made. Everything else just disappeared. It is a weird thing when you find yourself wishing you could go back to being a little more ignorant.

While you sit there scratching your head think about this. For those of you trying to get into film or those of you out shooting shit on your own what drives your desire to make movies?

Are you obsessed?

Do you find yourself spending way too much time daydreaming about making that breakout film and this one is it?

Welcome to the club. Next week we are making t-shirts.

I have been so obsessed since my trip to L.A. I have not gotten much of anything done. That has me feeling a little down, but I am getting better. It is an interesting thing when you realize you are that madman in the corner muttering that has people whispering amongst themselves. However it is a good thing when you realize you really are not in this for the money but the art. It is reassuring to know that you are obsessed with doing this but it is for the sake of making good films and maybe even a great one or two not a big paycheck. It is a damn good feeling when you realize you would spend the rest of your life making no budget films and living poor, but being quite happy.

If you are out there trying to get in this business because you want to get rich, do me a favor and slam your head in a door a few times. If it still seems like a good idea after that, may God have mercy on your soul.

If you want to do this because you can’t imagine doing anything else and it doesn’t matter how you have to do it, you are going to make a movie damn it and you don’t care if anyone sees it, well then you my friend are someone I want to know.

You are someone I want writing for this site sharing what you are learning as you learn. I want all of us out here trying to make movies because it’s the only thing that makes us happy to start working together and sharing with each other.  I don’t care if you are an actor, director, writer or what, hit me up themoviewhore@themoviewhore.com and then tell anyone you know who is trying to do the same thing to hit me up. There is no pay involved in this and if you are looking for a paycheck I am not looking for you anyway.  Send me a sample piece you would want to run and I will let you know if you are on board. What are you waiting for?

[very minor spoliers may ensue]

“Frozen” is the type of movie that would work great in an elevator pitch because it’s basic premise can be summed up in one simple question – “What would happen if three kids got stuck on a ski-lift after a mountain had closed for the week?”

When I saw the trailer to the film my first reaction was that I thought it looked like “Open Water” on a ski-lift. I happen to like “Open Water” and found it to be a pretty effective little movie, mostly because I am absolutely terrified of sharks. My second biggest fear are heights. “Frozen” had me at hello.

The flick begins with two best friends, Lynch & Dan, preparing to hit the slopes. Dan’s girlfriend, Parker, has tagged along, which Lynch is not too keen on (although she proves to be quite useful when she’s able to bribe the ski-lift operator into letting them all by without lift tickets). Since Parker is not much of a snowboarder, they spend the majority of the day on the bunny hill watching her fall on her ass. By the end of the evening, Lynch just wants to get in one real run before they have to leave. This ends up being a big mistake.

In order for a film like to this to work, there are two very important pieces of criteria that must be met. First, there has to be a plausible reason as to how these kids get left behind. Now, I’m sure there is a certain amount of protocol in place at real ski-resorts that exist to ensure that things like this don’t ever happen. However, for the purposes of this movie, I was sold on the believability of the mix-up. Without going into too much detail, a string of events cause the lift operator to abandon his post and a very unfortunate coincidence makes it appear as if everyone is safely off of the mountain.

Secondly, and more importantly, we have to be given characters that we care enough about to be invested in their plight. Luckily, we spend enough time with these kids beforehand to get to know and like them and are even more engaged as they settle into their harrowing predicament. Credit for that goes to writer/director Adam Green, who crafts a very strong script that doesn’t cheat on development and also to the three actors who flesh out the characters and turn in very solid performances (actress Emma Bell gives a heart-breaking monologue at one point about what she believes will be the fate of her new puppy). The one recognizable face is actor Shawn Ashmore. The irony is that he played Iceman in the X-Men movies (tehehe).

Once the flick locks into it’s main conflict, things become tense and emotionally exhausting. The marketing of this movie suggests that it’s a horror film and I would normally tend to disagree with that labeling – but the film gets brutal, folks. It becomes all too clear that if these people don’t figure out something quick, they will most likely freeze to death. The fifty-plus foot fall may not kill them, but it sure doesn’t help when a pack of wolves emerge from out of the woods. Placed in this dire situation, these panic-stricken characters are forced to make some hasty decisions and without giving too much away, not all of them pan out.

I’ve always been partial to films that either are self-contained in an isolated environment or can approach the material with a minimalist take on the story. “Frozen” is not a big budget film with explosions and car chases – it’s a small movie where the three main characters are confined to sitting in a chair for the majority of the film. What’s commendable about it is the fact that even within those limitations, it can create pure suspense and terror. I honestly felt as though I was stuck on that lift myself the entire time.

The only difference is that I would’ve brought my cell phone.

* * * * 1/2 out of * * * * *

-d0m portalla [2010]

I first heard of Derrick Comedy a few years ago when I stumbled across one of their youtube skits called “Girls Are Not To Be Trusted”, where a character named Kevin uses his film class and all of his classmates short flicks to exact revenge on his cheating girlfriend Melanie (“What the fuck Bellanie!?”) I was instantly a fan. Over the next few months, I’d anticipate new videos from the sketch comedy group and was surprised one day to find that a trailer had been released for a full length Derrick Comedy film. These guys had easily and often kept me entertained for six to seven minutes at a time with their shenanigans, but could their shtick self-sustain for an entire feature? After almost a year or so of waiting for my chance to see, I’m happy to say that yes, “Mystery Team” is a damn good flick.

The basic premise involves three life long friends who have grown up to be a trio of man-children pretending to be real-life detectives. They specialize in solving cases along the lines of “who stuck their finger in Mrs. Kimmel’s pie?” and are great at striking fear into the local kids on the playground. They always carry a trusty magnifying glass & slingshot on hand and seemingly have a disguise ready for almost any situation.

It’s not until a little girl shows up at their doorstep asking if they can help find the people responsible for murdering her parents that the Mystery Team are thrown into waters way out of their depth. Even though this is really a job for the police, they still accept believing that it’s just as simple as finding the clues and solving the case without reading comic books in bed (they’ll need their rest). An evening at a gentleman’s club, a botched drugdeal and a rough encounter with a stop-sign later, they realize that nothing is ever that easy.

The best way to describe what Derrick & co. have crafted here is an unconventionally conventional comedy. There’s enough puke, stripper shit and dog urine to satisfy the gross-out fans, but there’s also a real emphasis on character and a pretty sweet coming-of-age story skating on the surface. That’s not to say that this is a movie of which the likes you’ve never seen before (although, I’ve never heard a flick that actually contained a line like “You know, sometimes I really wish you didn’t beat that cancer.”) There is a standard movie formula at work here. Friendships will be challenged, compromises will be made and life lessons will be learned all before the credits roll – but what makes “Mystery Team” special is the way it operates within that formula. We’re given enough time to spend with these hopelessly clueless characters in order to be won over by them and enough good jokes to keep the flick moving at a decent click.

I caught “Mystery Team” at the Brattle theater in Cambridge, MA. last night at a 7:30pm screening where actor D.C. Pierson and producer Meggie McFadden were in attendance and gave a great Q&A. This flick was accepted to Sundance last year and is currently touring the country in spots where you can DEMAND it. I strongly urge people to make an effort to see this film if it is playing at a theater near you. The guys from Derrick Comedy will be household names within the next decade, I’m certain of it. But for the time being, these kids have gone out and made a film with all the appeal of a mainstream Hollywood movie without having a well known cast or a big budget. This is exactly the type of movie that deserves to be supported. I took two trains and trekked through freezing cold weather to see it (not vying for sympathy, I asked people to make the same trip in October to see my own film “The Darkness Within” at this same theater). But I am glad that I made the effort and was not let down by the film – and neither will you. See this movie and support your local, independent film scene.

And don’t fuck the bread. Someone’s always gotta clean that up.

* * * * out of * * * * *

-d0m portalla [2010]